BOND DIALS ‘M’ FOR … MONDEO

Rumour has it that the Bond product placement team have gone for a Royal flush in the latest much-lauded outing of everyone’s favourite British murderer. Along with Sony Ericsson, two of the corporates who’ve paid millions to have their products shoe-horned into Casino Royale are The Ford Motor Company and Omega. Earlier this morning, my very own spy – one of London’s top breakfast show DJ’s – told me about a sneak preview of the movie he’d attended earlier in the week. Apparently the film – which, by the way, he says is Connery-esque in its Bond brilliance – includes a line where our hero is asked if his watch is a Rolex. “No,” replies Bond. “Better than that, it’s an Omega.” Cue uncomfortable shifting by the audience. I can only hope he’s pulling my leg, but having taken a squiz at the watchmaker’s website, I fear not. And so to Ford. Not just any Ford, but a Ford Mondeo. The 5-door 2007 Ford Mondeo. The car of choice for Britain’s Mr Motorway. Ford are using the film as a shop window to show off their new model to the millions of road-warrior Bond wanabees who already bomb up and down the M4 daydreaming about their fantasy double-life as a double-0. I fear this will only encourage the salesman of Slough to dub their PA’s Moneypenny and give them a licence to believe there’s a mini-mounted rocket launcher in their boot rather than a puncture repair kit and map of Berkshire. Tragically, the Mondeo is the first motor Daniel Craig drives as Bond, though don’t worry, he soon steps into a more-familiar Aston. No doubt our blonde Bond had the same problems with Ford as me and decided, as I did, to ditch it for a classier car. In 2004, I bought a Ford Focus C-Max for the family and it was nothing but trouble. What started as small niggles culminated in the engine cutting out while doing 70 on the motorway. Despite it not being even a third of the way through its three-year warranty, Ford refused to replace it. We got rid of it within just over a year and swapped it for a Volvo XC90. Much tastier, and much more adept at losing eye-patched megalomaniacs during those high-octane weekend chases across the Swiss Alps.