GROUND CONTROL TO … COLONEL SANDERS?

Greasy poultry peddlers Kentucky Fried Chicken are the latest US fast food company to plop their corporate image slap bang in the middle of, er, our planet.

Having decided that it’s not enough to make human kids fat, the bargain bucket brigade now seem intent on dominating the galactic junk food market, creating an 87,500 square ft image of Colonel "the chin" Sanders that can only be seen from space. So keen on grabbing their slice of the interplanetary ingestion market (or should that be grabbing the headlines?), the Colonel and a 50-strong band of finger-licking goons committed this act of global graffiti on a plot of land close to infamous UFO-spot Area 51 in the Nevada desert. They're hot on the heels of Coca-Cola who made a similar bid for the lucrative "two-heads, three-fingers, lizard-skin, my name is zog" segment earlier in the year by plonking a gigantic "you can see me from the moon" version of their logo on a secluded Chilean plain.

Beware visitors from other worlds. When I was but a boy, my parents wouldn't allow me anywhere near a McDonalds. At the age of 16, with the advent of free-will, I discovered the golden arches. I’m now 30 years old, 17 stone and have a Body Mass Index that places me on the UK obese register. You do the math.