JORDAN GETS STROPPY AS JACKO REFUSES TO GET HIS HITS OUT
A number of readers (well, one) have asked The Daily Geek why the story on the lips of every man woman and child hasn't made it onto the blog - namely Michael Jackson's woefully poor performance at the World Music Awards, his first UK appearance in nine years.
To be honest it's slightly outside the remit of The Daily Geek's cool tech and cult media agenda ... I mean if I run this story, what next? Paris Hilton's midnight hotel dash? A David Gest jungle dance? Eric "bully" Bristow speared by mechanical darts? (actually, I probably would write about that one). Anyway, at a squeeze, I guess jacko's reconstructed but slowly melting waxface could pass for weird science. So here we go...
Having attracted a crowd the size of Portsmouth, Freak of Pop Michael Jackson went on to p*ss the hopes of his deranged fanbase up the wall by not performing Thriller as they had been expecting. Instead he squeaked out five lines from his god-awful 'We Are The World' - the hit that not only confirmed the death of popular music, but built, sealed and buried the coffin.
Crackpot Jackson was said to be so poor that even the worshipers turned. One distraught fan said: "He's had 9 years to rehearse this, so you'd think he'd have got it right." Pity the fool. Was he not aware that for the past decade the jackal had been busy plying young boys with booze?
The night was complete when the Sultan of Brunei ... Sorry King Hussein of Jordan ... er, scratch that, my misake ... just Jordan, space hoppers n'all, had a pop at Jacksie. Speaking from her position of newly gained pop authority, she said: "It was rubbish. He sounded well out of tune." Last orders Jacko - when Jordan's on the button you know it's time to quit this Earth and rejoin your people.
posted by Q at 9:58 PM
2 Comments:
A beautifully crafted link between one deranged plastic bimbo and another, and an inspired title.
And while I agree that the subject matter pushes at the boundaries of the Daily Geek's remit, let us not forget that our chum Whacko shaped pop culture for 2 decades and his early disco tunes have become enshrined in the 'most played lists' of all us cult-obsessed cynics.
So what upset me most about his woeful appearance, and what you inadvertently stressed by comparing him to Jordan, was how he's now so obviously under the spell of his quite clearly evil entourage. I don't know whether they'd pumped him full of a mild sleeping draft or if they've had him spayed. Poor bastard probably thought he was just getting his nose sharpened last time he popped down to his favourite surgeon, and came out without his plums. I can imagine him lying on the porch at Neverland, docilely padding a ball of twine from one hand to the next.
And all the while, a talentless bint calling herself Jordan has not only managed to amass a small fortune by manipulating the media but also to release an album of strangled covers. Using cunning, spite and ferocity she's driven herself not just into the public eye but into the very fabric of our pop culture.
I'd like to think that in a parallel world Jackson had his fair share of that drive, ambition, a faint whiff of that nasty streak. And in the twighlight of his career he's somewhere getting busted for fighting at a celebrity hangout or photographed snorting a wee bit of coke from a hooker's armpit.
And in that same parallel world, a girl called Katie Price is on her lunch break from the fish counter at Asda, enjoying a knee trembler with Tommy the warehouse manager round the back by the dustbins.
I once met Katie Price - pre-ops and before she changed her name to everyone's favourite middle-eastern troublespot. We briefly spoke about her ambitions - not to be a glamour model, but to become a pop star. As she wandered off I chuckled, believing she'd be nothing more than a soft-focus image on a well-thumbed calendar nailed to a grease monkey's wall. Now who's laughing. She fooled me. Now she's snared Andre. Beware - she's an ambitious wench. The worlds gone Insania.
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