I WANT AN iPHONE … JUST WITHOUT THE PHONE

As the geek’s of the world rush out to buy more Cleenex following the sumptuous launch of the iPhone, am I the only one who sees the device as a Trojan horse that’s likely to take a bite out of Apple’s brand?

There is no doubt that the iPhone is a thing of beauty. Take a look at the Apple web site and you’ll find a gorgeous demo showing Google maps loading beautifully, smooth self-selective voicemail access, Safari working like a peach.

But we’re in pre-launch limbo, stuck between the demo and the deep blue sea. Get the mobile boffins involved and you’re delving into a much murkier world of tempestuous networks, challenging speed issues, capacity problems. And that’s not the fault of the mobile operators – just one of the challenges of the mobile industry. In mobile, you’re not dealing with a solid state environment. You’re dealing with an ever evolving and potentially temperamental ‘t’eco-system. One that can fall victim to hundreds of punishing external factors – poor weather, incompatible equipment, local planning regulations leading to coverage holes, vandalism and so on.

The iPhone may look like a slab of sex, but underneath the covers, it’s just another dirty mobile that is likely to suffer from the same problems your current blower does now. Just wait until Google maps starts pixelating because there’s another user on the same cell site as you, or Safari freezes because your train goes out of coverage. There’s also much head-scratching going on over the limited memory held by the device, the lack of 3G capability and poor battery life (though that remains to be seen). Add to that mobile’s dirty dealers, bundled minutes, paying a subscription for your pocket rocket, questions over who owns the customer, and there’s one giant worm in the middle of your Apple.

I’m praying that once the one-year exclusivity is up with Cingular, the San Fran wizards will release an iPOD version of the iPHONE. A widescreen, touchscreen iPOD with a whizzy new music, photo and video interface that looks like Mac OSX in a matchbox. Strike!